my sister has a car.
it's a 97 honda accord.
the tag that was on the keys
(which happens to be right here on the desk)
says it's gold, but that's a lie, because it's silver.

my car is working better now.
though there's still something wrong with it
something about the dipstick for the oil not being in the right place
which leaves the thing to leak and smoke and put fumes in my lungs
and eventually kill me.

so the first time i see it, my dad says
"see what happens when you have a job?"
now, i might be wrong, and have grossly misplaced some bit of memory
but i don't remember ever buying any car ever last time i had a job
last time i had a job, i remember all my money going into a bank account
so that i could have enough money for college
which i still don't
and still haven't been furthering my education
so much as sitting around, getting increasingly dumber by the day
and pretty much just getting closer to dying.
but we went for a ride and it's a nice car, and i'm glad she's got one

i should get moving on something
it'd be terribly sad if somehow my sister got ahead of me right now
not because i want her to fail or anything
but i'm almost 3 years older, and i should be doing so much more than i am now.
i should be so far ahead of where i am
but i'm not.

lauren's ahead of me
but lauren doesn't have a choice
she has to have a job to pay for her apartment
which she has to have because her mom kicked her out
see, her mom is uncool like that.
and lauren's car probably only passed inspection because she has boobs
so she had to get a new one.

but that's not what's really been bothering me lately.
not by far, actually.
i don't drive much anyway
something about noplace to go
where am i gonna drive? work?
no job. hardly ever see my friends, they're all busy having lives
and keeping thier brains alive
not that i feel put down or out by any of them
they're not people who would do that
they're just where i should be at the this point in my life
and i'm just so not.

anyway, what *is* bugging me is the distinct lack of girl in my life.
it's been over a year
*sigh*
the sad thing is, it's not really all that hard for me to believe
last night, sat up listening to music most of the night and
you know that thing that happens before you're going to cry
that thing your stomach does?
i did that a few times
i cry pretty easy, for someone who doesn't cry
and i mean those words exactly.
the night before, at least i think it was, i did some drinking
i found some pre-made-mudslide-in-a-bottle, but i can't drink anymore of that
someone will notice
might already
man, that bottle of irish creme i had at audrey's would be nice.
though even if i did find out which building was hers and find a way in
i'd still have to find a way to conceal the bottle, which, due to less clothing
(warm weather, y'understand)
would be hard to do.
but i *did* wake up this morning feeling a lot better than i had.
so that's alright.

doughty's first name is m.
erika told me this, because she knew.
this, come to think of it, was also on a poster
which was on a wall, outside the door.
erika is rad.
that wasn't on the poster
but there's probably one out there somewhere that says it.

i should do comics.
i'm so behind, even in the stuff that i do instead of the stuff i'm supposed to be doing
unless they turn out to be *exactly* what i'm supposed to be doing
which would be rad.
like erika.

bob scott is gonna write to me later in the week
something about writing to me later in the week, i think he said.
anyway, his e-dna mail address doesn't work anymore.

davey and i are much alike
at least, the daily routine sounds much the same
anyway, it's not so bad, feeling like i've got company
you know, in the whole "whatever the hell it is that i do" thing.
also called "doing nothing".
somehow, though, he seems to be far ahead of me.
like most other people.

anyway, something.

i started playing the music from legend of zelda on my accordion.
that's pretty neat.
though apparently, my accordion is not magical
because i played the song of time, and nothing happened.
hey! i found the other heart ribbon!
that's been lost for so long! yay finding it!
(see, cause i have two white ribbons with hearts on them
and i lost one a long time ago).

bridgie and sam have redesigned blogs, you should go read them.

shig-shag, penny-a-rag
bang his head with cromwell's bag
all up in a bundle!

i don't know what it means, either.
but it says that if you don't by a twig from a kid in england on oak-apple day
they will chant this at you.

how well do you know my friend lauren?
i don't care if you don't know my friend lauren!
just take the stinkin quiz!

...

oh, come on, it'll be really funny!
you can cheat and do it a bunch of times, then you'll get a hundred!
you can put your name in the hall of fame, and then she'll be like
"who is this? me not know who this is! need sleepies!"

alright, that's enough outta me.