i neglected to mention that i am eating ice cream.
and a cookie.

bye bye.

what if that was knight rider?
no, not knight rider
i'm still going with magnum p.i. on this one

anyway, going to maine
tonight, 3am
god, what a crappy hour to not be heading to bed.
of course, i don't know whether i should
just stay up and watch anime
or try to sleep
speaking of anime, i'm missing the midnight run
i should go soon.

i got a new gameboy color
and it came with pokemon crystal!
you can play as a girl!
which i am, cause it's different.
and i bought the two new zelda games for it
and i got the powerpuff girls game with bubbles on it
cause i really likes the bubbles.

got a haircut
went for linnell's short do
unded up somewhere between
that and flansburgh
which is neat
i'm waiting to see what it'll look like after i've slept on it
which is usually when my hair is at it's best
for some strange reason.
i got some gel
in case it refuses to behave on all fronts
it's being kinda jerky
but after a while, it'll settle down
at least i hope
so far, my judgement is-
it's not bad, but i'm not cutting it this short again
that may change, but that's how it is as of now

i'll go now, being kicked off by our guest, jessica.

on second thought, it probably *was* magnum p.i.
i just remembered that the theme from the a-team
was nothing like the theme from magnum p.i.

i'll figure this out eventually.

anyway, i go to maine soon.
when, i'm not quite sure.
within the next few days, certainly
unless i decide to go when my sister does.
in which case, it'll be later.

it's too hot to live around here
as in "life cannot exist"
not as in "i'm moving out"
which of course, is ridiculous
i can't do anything
i want to fight that, but...
it's hard, perhaps too much so
i don't feel like i can win anymore
whatever happened to that feeling of being almost 20?

i can't stand this anymore
of course, i will
as you well know by now
i'll say any number of things like this
though maybe they've not seemed as bad
and i'll admit, this sounds bad
but i'm too intrinsically bent on getting through
for whatever reason
be it the cynical "watch, the next day, the way would be made clear"
to the hopeful "i can get myself together, it is not too late"
and any number of not-wanting-to-trouble-anyones
i'm not gonna put my friends and family through that
this, of course, hadn't started out talking about me dying
but at least my stance there is clear

i can make it through anything
and after i've kicked the world's ass
i'll sit and be glad to have put it in it's place

ah, the indomitable human spirit
i rely on it
i wish i could talk to mz. rabbitt about now
she is one of the people i miss most
out of the ones i don't get to talk to often anymore
which is in itself a shame

but i have to draw strength from her
as she'd be glad to know i do
even just thinking about
how i feel so much better after she's talked to me
it gives me some sense of having done so
and though i don't have the full benefit of her advice
i do have the feeling-betterness that occurs

and after i've tackled this
and set myself straight
i'll get her phone number
give her a call
and hope she doesn't mind
because, of course, i'd have to get it from the phonebook
or online, which wouldn't be asking
but certainly i would ask when i called

i feel somewhat better now
really, it's amazing what a little writing it out
and drawing strength from your mentors
will do

and that's the advice she gave me
when a girlfriend of mine broke up with me
"write it out"

drink of her wisdom
and always, it will refresh you

an endless spring, it seems
and yet she, as she is wont to point out
is on a journey of her own
such is life

mz. rabbitt makes me smile.
someday, i'll tell her about drawing my strength from her
but first, i'll make it take me places
because what good is the strength to make yourself a better person
if you don't use it?
and everywhere i go, i will have with me
a picture
one i took in highschool
of mz. rabbitt on a stage, getting her hands into yet another project
the poor overworked darling
humble little buddha
she did everything
she really deserved more time to relax
to not be frantic
to not be buried under everything
but she always did it
and would laughingly tell me how she had so much work
where other people couldn't possibly laugh
and in spite of all the frustration i've seen hanging on her shoulders
like a yoke whose buckets have been filled to the top
it makes me want to be an english teacher
meetings be damned!
late nights grading papers be damned!
all be damned, for she
she is a hero
and even after she left old cumberland high
to get away from the mountains of work
she still teaches
(though in a different set of mountains)
and loves what she does.

what can i say? she went back to teaching in a different school.
she didn't originally intend to, but, like i said
she loves what she does.

i've sent that poem to her just now.
yes, that's what that was.
but let us not forget the other english teachers
mz. smith, mrs. laplante, mr. thurston, and mr. walsh
all of whom signed my senior yearbook
because they were all important
though i only had mz. smith for a class
and it's not as though i don't like my english teachers
i get to feeling bad about not including them in my wild praise
after all, them (and mz. smith) being the ones that taught me english
and they were good, if a bit crazy
but they weren't the ones i made real friends with
i only really talked to mr. walsh a bit at the end of the year
and only talked to mrs. laplante a bit more than he
the rest a bunch more than that

this is not to say that i'll even become an english teacher
but they have inspired me so much as to make me say
"oh, i have to do that"
every time i think of them

and here's hoping you had (or have) teachers that did as much for you.

i'm going to bed now.

good night.

i've got what i think is the theme from the a-team in my head.
not stuck there, just in my head.
i thought it was magnum p.i. at first, but it's not.
at least i'm quite sure it's not.

anyway, my parents got a new suv
i dun like suv's
it's blue, and it's got all kinda gizmos in it
the thing is, my dad had bought a minivan before that
and they went back to look at the suv
and exchanged it somehow
which really bothered me
especially because the suv was $4000 more

but really, i don't know why i'm so bothered by it
i'm not ready to buy a car
but it's not about that

i don't know what it *is* about
but something about it bothers me.

well, enough about that.
i've been waking up at exactly 9:31am every day
for a couple days now.
i think it's cause of my sister's alarm, but i'm not sure.

i wrote a guide entry, finally
it's about the electoral system
i don't feel like linking just now, maybe i will later.

i want to write a song
but i don't seem to have one in me.

recent feeling of "i can't do anything"
it's not a feeling you want
this morning i was remembering in middle school
how girls used to hit on me
and one day, someone made issue of it
and they said "he knows we're just kidding"
and of course i did
i think maybe for the first time, i got mad about that.
i don't know why i haven't before, but...

so much to write about, still not a song around.
set up my voicemail for my cell phone.
i was in lauren's car
and she insisted upon not going anywhere til i let her do it
so i said i would, after i finished my cigarette
and i did.
so now, people can leave me messages
and i can get to them.
formerly, i could not, you see.

sarah comes back from p.e.i. tonight
beth too, i think.
at least i'm pretty sure beth went as well.
damn, i knew i shoulda called phil for coffee.

not that comics are necessary
but i've not drawn one in a long time.
not since my pens ran out.
i got new ones, by the way
and of all, i think i like the ones like i used in high school best
though i really don't feel like they'll be good comics pens.
i'm testing, anyhow.
i got a box of colored pencils.
i'm gonna do the anime tmbg thing in them.
as soon as i write a few bits for it
this is the sort of thing i don't feel i'll mind writing
cause i have to have it run like anime
and that's gonna require some writing
what with the complicated plots that are generally involved
and how they are all unfoldy and such as it goes on.

my laundry's done, i'm gonna get going
i wanna put some pants on
pantsless blogging is the wave of the future!