lauren and i are a thing now

story later.

she took my car
cause her's doesn't work
and might explode
mom got all bitchy about it
she was in here a second ago
i think she was trying to say something
i don't want to hear it
eventhough it was probably something nice
i can deal with nice
but i don't feel like doing any talking just now

eventually going to have to indicate
that lauren and i are a thing
don't know how or when
but i'll get to it eventually
for now, i'd much rather play some majora's mask
and for fuck's sake EAT!
because i'm dreadfully hungry
and NOT DOING A THING ABOUT IT!
WHY AM I DOING NOTHING ABOUT IT!?
eh, i'll eat soon. no big deal. kinda busy.

later.

ditched, effectively
lauren, obviously
we were both thinking
"reltionship or not?"
and i guess she said not
which i gotta say disappointed me

i was kinda getting set up for one
but hey, she felt no fireworks
and sometime today felt like a whore
which of course i had to help fix

what she really said
i summed up as "NO! but maybe..."
because every couple months
she gets an idea to get with me
and right now doesn't feel right
and she needs me as a friend

ugh
that's all i have to say about that
and i mean it in more than one way

and of course she's not throwing away the idea
for the above mentioned reason
but jeez man, don't be too surprised
if my reply next time is "fuck you"
cause we both felt the same
and the way i'm thinking of it now
i'm just not gonna put myself up for this again

maybe when the time comes i'll feel differently
forgiveness and all that
and certainly i have to do that
because she can't be blamed, really
it's a feeling, not an act

i know especially on here
it seemed like i was anti-relationship
but i was only doing that cause i thought
that she wasn't looking for that
but then she brought it up
and i was more open to it than i let on
more open than she probably knows
and she probably shouldn't
cause i don't want her to feel so bad
after all, we still have to be friends
and of course i care about her

maybe i can go write songs now
or go get drunk
or both

wish whitney was around
she seems the appropriate one to talk to
i donno why
prolly cause she knows lauren so well
and would get what i'm talking about

you know, i didn't want a day of rest
i was bored all damn day anyway
who else do i hang with?
and she's got plans tonight
so that's out
damn
not that it really matters
and she works a double tomorrow

it's fucked up
but i know i'm the richer for it
i learned and experienced things
that probably would have taken
another 20 years to otherwise
and it was nice
and i've still got a good friend
and more than likely another chance later
should i choose to take it

but for now, it's achesville
fuck me

in other news, beat the first level of majora's mask
gonna go watch adult swim
see what's going on with the midnight spot
and i can drive my car again
which i might do
but probably won't
seeing as i've only 2 cigarettes left
and anyplace to buy good ones is closed now
i'm going now
fuck

fuck

fuck

fuck

off

i think i get a break from lauren tomorrow
she's going to boston with chris and a friend or two
and i'm watching adult swim at night
so i gets meself a day of rest from her
not that one's really necessary

put a few new names on the old buddy list
2 of whitney's and the one i know of chris'
i'm not sure he has other ones, but probably
anyway, i have no idea
i'll be talking to them more, i think
especially whinny, cause i talk to chris already
this is all cause things have gone quite far with lauren
not in a bad way, mind you, but
quite far
in that as of tonight, i'm no longer a virgin
(yes, that far)

really doesn't seem so far, actually
nothing that has happened has, really
mostly because neither of us makes issue of it
well, not in a bad way
but i mean, it's odd and a big deal
so it gets mentioned here and there

and here's something awesome
to put in your pipe and smoke-

apparently, i give good head.

^_^

surprised her, anyway
which is both amusing and a compliment
made me happy

chris may be mad at me for doing this
when he finds out
cause we both know
how sleeping with lauren
usually turns out
(havng heard countless stories of horror)
but i think the being friends thing helps that
like, somehow, it doesn't seem life-ruining

ah well, anyway i must have other news around here somewhere
let's see, still no word from bob scott
i switch between being paranoid and rational about that
like, cause he's probably quite busy
and probably only comes on to do the site
cause that's all he's got time for
but i'm always worried that i've said something wrong
you know how it is
unless you don't

i've been playing majora's mask
haven't given up on ocarina of time
just taking a break from it
clear my head of that water temple
take on the other game, see if i can
get any farther than i had previously

anyway, i feel that i've said enough for one night
for i've got sleeping to do
and plenty of time in which to do it
and man, shall i relish in it
because it's the first real sleep that i've had in a while
oh boy
gonna enjoy
didn't intend on that whole rhyming thing
kinda just happened
time for sleepins
good night

my sister picked up my tenchi volume for me a couple days ago
cause she was going to the mall
convenient, i didn't even have to move
not that i could, because i can't drive
what with the insurance lapse my car's gone through

things have gone further with lauren
i've actually spent the last 4 days with her
i think we should take a break
not because of weirdness
but because we'd otherwise be sick of each other by now
people need space, an it's better to give it ahead of time
than to find out later that it should have been given
that, and i've been missing all my favorite shows

i said after she crashed here yesterday that we should go back to normal
but after my shower, i decided fuck that
it'd be too awkward to do so
since this *is* kind of normal now and all
i don't know
i crashed at her place last night
we've kind of hit a stride in what we're doing
which is fine, because then it won't go too far
though there isn't *too* much farther to go
and only some of it is deemed off limits
which i only half-fear my change
and that's mostly because of overwhelming precedent
and an emotionality that i don't think has any place here
which is why i've been putting it aside
i'd have to ask if it went both ways, but i doubt that
lauren's a different breed than i
not that i can't hang, of course
cause i'm quite adaptable
but i can't fully shake it, and in this instance
i'm bothered by that, muchly
and she doesn't really mix with my other friends
except for sarah, who is the reason i know her
so that wouldn't do at all, either

i need to hang with them soon
i miss them dearly
i should really do some comics, too

lauren told whitney what happened (or at least that something did)
of course. i mean, she did *say* she was going to.
whitney, who we are now trying to get chris *away* from
which was not the case like 3 days ago
anyway, whitney asked me about it
and was adorably excited and happy
which was cool, and she invited me to party up at the college
that is, when she's back, and it's party time
i would have ended up going anyway, i said
and she knew, but it was more personal this way
and i thanked her
like you do

lauren has just informed me that i'm not going with her
to go get xmas decorations
exceedingly fine with me, what with that whole space thing
that i was just mentioning up there
she needs to talk to al fo soem reason
possibly because we were all kissy around him
which probably bothered him greatly
i kinda feel bad about that
cause he's not so bad
(except when noone else is around, i hear
there's actually a story chris tells, where al didn't know he was there
and was being a huge dick to lauren, then quickly changed when
he learned that chris was indeed around)
but she says i'm still booked to go help decorate
so i guess she's not sick of me as i would fully expect

i wouldn't mention it so much
except that since it's started, i haven't been on
too busy with lauren to come on
so there's a build up
i've been meaning to be here, though
as usual

i'm gonna go now, it's almost toonami time
so i'll write in here later
how much later, i don't know
but later nonetheless

see you later, space cowboy...