gonna hafta clean today.
and tomorrow too.
blah blah blah.

the flu sucks
i dislike it
this is being stated for the record

uh...
i think i feel for some form
of asian cuisine today
but i've no idea what

jim told me that thursday
was talk like a pirate day
i did not know this
so i didn't participate
dang

the apartment in this building
that lauren and i were interested in
has been rented
as we previously thought
dang

need to do laundry
probably will
when i go for food today
at the parents' house
of course, we do have tacos
got em this morning
so perhaps not
but i may save that for later
hmm...

my nose should definitely
stop being stuffed up
like, pronto
cause i'm getting sick
of, well, being sick

alright, i guess that's all for me
gonna get the hell going
on SOMETHING
i don't know what yet
but i bet it starts
with me blowing my nose

later people.

went to the place mentioned last post
yesterday, and they weren't hiring
but i filled out an app and got interviewed anyway
there was some rude lady in the old folks home
and she said they weren't hiring right now
despite the giant sign indicating otherwise
ah well

went to panera and the video game place
snagged an interview at panera
and they're giving me another one
monday the 23rd at 3pm
cause the lady who knows things wasn't there
so i have to go when she is

this conan o'brien quote taken from erika's profile-
"following their appearance on the MTV video music awards
guns and roses will have to change their name to
'chubby mcgoo and the guys who aren't slash.'"
and this is entirely true
i saw it today
oh jeez

so i'm sick
and all achy
and yuck, this bites
stupid flu
so before i go pick up lauren
i'm gonna pick up some
cough drops

there's a fair in town
me and lauren went to it once
i think i was in love with her then, too
maybe just a glimmer of it
before i realized it fully
like so many other times
over the course of our friendship

not only do i get that
but i get the sentimentality
of looking over older times
with the knowlege that we're together now
which adds another layer to it
and on with other layers for other things
that just make one wanna sigh
when thinking back on things
i'd love to hit the fair with lauren again
^_^

speaking of whom
i need to pick her up at 10:30
not that it isn't like 9:30 right now
and i have plenty of time
but i wanna get cough drops
and a drink
because i'm really thirsty
and woonsocket tap water
is making me wanna puke lately

hmm...
wonder what took it so long
(this joke made because
woonsocket tap water
is a foul thing)

yes. so i think i'll buy a drink
and maybe one for lauren
and a good bit of cough drop
because i need them
and i should leave soon
in a couple minutes

so i guess that's it for this post
later people

went down to the place in the paper
didn't go in
i need an updated resume
and to remember what position
i would be applying for
cause right now
my resume doesn't have
as many phone numbers as it should

also, it woulda been helpful
if someone had been there
i looked in
...
nobody

my stomach hurts
i think i ate too fast or something
went to the parents' house

i'm gonna fill out what applications i've got
and if i finish on time
i'll bring them in tonight
if i think it'll be too late
i'll just bring them tomorrow

i'm disappointed
i said i was gonna do so much today
and i didn't do it
because i'm stupid
and was unprepared
but tomorrow
i'll get my shit in order
and do everything i meant to do today
probably some more
i saw an old folks home that was hiring
so i think i'll go in there
on the way back from the machine place

and sometime, i'll learn the way to fedex
and try to get a job there with chris
i hope at least one of these places calls back
cause once i actually get rolling
which started today
but hasn't gained enough momentum yet
once i get rolling on this
you'll see me breaking my ass
and really trying
trying hard as i can
to get a job
and fix my life

right now, i'm really hurting
and so is my girl
and it is up to me
to make it all better
or at least as much as i can
i need myself to do it
but more than that
she needs me

this time
it gets done
or i die trying

i have to go do things now
later people

ok
the post i intended to make
last night
and earlier today
is coming now

i was thinking of
how lauren gets flirty when she's stoned
and it made me remember
one time when we had smoked together
and she was all snuggly with me
as we sat on the couch
(this was before we were dating)
and i just wanted to kiss her
like, so bad
i didn't
for fear of a punch to the face

and another time
when lauren and i
had been driving around
and she had told me
how it's nice sometimes
to get a random kiss
i wanted to kiss her then, too
i did kiss her shoulder
but uh, that's not what i had in mind

i was telling her this last night
and i wanted to come on and blog it
and that somehow ended up not happening
i'm not really sure how
i think lauren went to bed
so i went to bed too
neglecting to blog

then today
i just talked about other crap
and completely forgot
why i was blogging

silly forgetful me
*sigh*

alright
here's the thing
i need a job
because i need to go to school
and help lauren with the rent
the laptop my parents
are thinking of getting me
is, they said, a little slow
and chris has an idea
to do freelance design
which he wants my help with
so my laptop
will have to be able to handle
the rigors of design programs
and still give me no problems
doing my homework

see, i'd feel like a complete selfish bitch
if i turned down that laptop
because it's $450
and my parents don't have a lot of money
eventhough they'd be fine with turning it down
and looking for something more hardcore

but if i had a job
i could help them
and then i might not feel bad
and i could get whatever i wanted
(not that i'm definitely going to
say no to it, of course...
i need to investigate further)

my resolve right now
is made of steel
i am a man of honor
and i will not let everyone down
not anymore
i gotta get things on track
and reclaim the title dan gave me
"the hope of a generation of writers"

i have never actually given up on life
and i'm not going to now

i should go to bed soon
i need to pick up lauren tomorrow morning
which means waking up at 7am
so being up past 1am
is a horrible, horrible idea
not that i don't always end up
going to bed at like, 2
point is, i shouldn't be

alright
time for bed
later people

oh, bydaway
nobody in my family
is supposed to read it
as i mention things
i would not have them hear of
that's why the paranoia
about mom reading it
figured that might be unclear
so i'd clear it up

anyway...
i fixed the problem
i messed up the code
now everything looks normal
good good

i just played my accordion
did a few small exercises
from my piano books
and tried learning a little bit from a site i found
that gives a layout of the bass buttons
it's gonna take forever to learn i think
i should get lessons
i should get a job to pay for them

i am sweaty now
it be too hot to play the accordion
at least in the apartment
but is too rainy out to go outside
but on some nice night
when i've got time to kill
i'll run out to someplace
and play the accordion
i'll probably give up
when i realize i sound like crap
and that someone has called the cops
but seriously i ain't that bad
i think it's reasonable to say
that i could do well on the accordion
with some schooling

speaking of which
i've got $20 from my dad
so that i can pay my admissions fee
i'm going to get the money order sometime soon
tomorrow, today maybe
i was hoping to use lauren's $20
so she'd be a part of it
because i want her to be
not like she won't be
maybe we'll just go to school together in spring
(spring is when i hope to go)
i'll get a work study
so as to lighten the load
that is, if i don't have a job at that point
and blah blah yadda yadda ya...

alright then, guess i'll go now
time to leave and be gone
and eat
that's an important part of the deal
eating

ok.
see ya later people.

getting paranoid
my mom's getting this
bitchy bitchy attitude
concerning lauren
and i don't know why
the only thing i can think of
is she reads my blog

i may move it
in fact, i probably will
i'll be sure to tell anyone i know who reads it
where it can be found
once i do, as if that ain't obvious

...

alright, what is all this
"hey, my blog has decided
that it will be done completely
in bold text now" shit?
i don't get it
cause it's usually only bold
when i tell it to be

perhaps i fucked up some coding someplace
half the time, i'll make things bold
by using html
cause that's part of the
tiny tiny bit that i actually know
maybe i forgot to close something
i'll figure it out

maybe my mom just stayed bitchy
after yelling at me
about lauren smoking in my car
which, i mean
even if i didn't
i'd still let people
cause i don't like people who don't
they just seem so anal
i understand and all
they don't want the odor
or maybe they're afraid of burnholes
and that's ok
i just don't think i'd be like that
i mean, i don't want odor or burnholes either
but like, just be careful
and open your window
maybe i'm just really lax about that

lauren has officially taken away zelda
and i can't have it back til i get a job
this seems less like motivation
and more like treating me like a kid
but i guess it's ok
i need to get a job anyway
so i shouldn't complain

um... what else?
lauren is sick
she's got some horrible combination
of diseases
like the flu and strep
and some other nasty thing
she puked today
i hope she'll be alright
but i guess if she's not
she'll call and i can go get her

al's thinkin of making pins
with controversial slogans
and we come up with them
whenever we talk now
it's funny

i might play the accordion today
maybe
i haven't decided yet
i don't usually
if the people upstairs are home
or it's sufficiently late at night
so i'm not sure

hmmm
anything else to say?
i don't really know.
i may do more laundry today
might finish checking my mail
at the house
i'm hardly ever on aol now
which is a damn good thing
cause aol sucks

but before anything
i'm gonna see if i can't fix this
whole bold text problem

later people.