lost another post.
not a fun thing.

so i guess lauren
decided to rant
in her blog

apparently, i'm an idiot
and everything is my fault
and i'm sick of everything
being my fault
just like she is

i guess everything is
both of our fault
but it can't be
world tragedy isn't our fault
and i'd say that's
definitely included in everything
so i can only suppose
that everything is everyone's fault
ah to hell with it
everything is the republicans' fault
they are the cause of all evil in the world
and that is that

i think that works ^_^

i'm sick of the whole terrell issue
i'm sick of fighting
i'm sick of not being where i wanna be in life
and you know what?
i'm gonna change things

"it has to start somewhere
it has to start somehow
what better place than here?
what better time than now?"

is i believe how rage against the machine said it
though i think they were talking about
something entirely different from what i am
but it works

some lady called me
about an apartment
she's showing it tomorrow
12pm-4pm
i should tell lauren that
i think i will when i get done here

got oracle of ages back from chris
not so bad seeing him
i mean, he's changed a bit
but i can still joke with him the same as ever
so i guess he's not changed that much
i really have no idea

i've reached the 2nd chapter of 1984
started reading visions of cody again
i can't decide which one i wanna finish first

guess i don't have to show up at the house too much
cokie came back from college for the weekend
she'll take care of things
i'm glad she's going to college already
wouldn't wanna see her going through the crap i am
just trying to get my life started

at least i've got lauren to help me along...
i love her so much
i really appreciate it
but i wouldn't say anything
cause half the time
she'd just argue with me about it
or not believe me
which is why i can't say things
half the time
and i just say them here
and then she wonders why
but i guess tis all a big misunderstanding
not worth getting worked up over

anyway, i guess i'm done here
i'll go see lauren
tell her about the apartment
hope we can go see that one
and rent it, if it's nice enough

ok then
later everyone ^_^

apparently lost the last post
stupid computer!
anyway, a correction
it ain't terrell's girl
who has the cave-gina
it was some chick he had before
or some such thing
for some reason
i felt the need for accuracy on the matter

but apparently
good ol dan can rest easy
cause the whole thing's over
lauren got talked to by a manager
and then decided to stop acting inappropriately
i read the note she got
and said "i told you so"
about a million times

apparently, a manager saying
that someone was bothered by
their "inappropriate interaction"
was a big enough thing
but me telling her every day
that i hated it and to stop
wasn't really too much to get worked up about
she still has no idea what i was going on about
and you know
i know she wouldn't cheat on me
i know he wouldn't cheat on his girl
but i still felt threatened
and if that weren't enough
my being overtly bothered by the whole thing
(the whole thing being something
that lauren found uproariously funny)
didn't seem to matter at all

like, am i not important enough to stop for?
do ya really need a manager to bring it up?
i can see that if you don't think you're doing anything
that you'll have trouble knowin what to stop doing
but i think it's pretty clear cut
the hugging, the touching, the kissing
and just basically anything that
would make anyone think you were together
in any way at all
somehow, this was not understood
and i mean, alright
bad week, you deserve hugs
it don't need to continue
and i have never fallen asleep on
any of my friends' shoulders
so there is no excuse
lean the other way
tell him to stop lookin at yer tits
and just stop being stupid

i mean, jeez
i turned into another person
lauren commented on it herself
i started lifting weights
which i may continue
or may not, i don't know
i nearly started carrying a knife
except that i didn't trust
that different person with a knife
i was driven completely insane
and that wasn't enough
to say "alright, it's time i stayed away from terrell"
i don't flirt with my friends
i hardly ever hug them
i don't fall asleep on them
so i got no idea where she gets that crap
but apparently, it's all normal as can be

the car ride that day
wasn't the cauldron
of rage and tension i thought it'd be
but then again
lauren told him to be nice to me
(i figured as much, since he said NOTHING
for the vast majority of the time)
of course, i was in a good mood that day anyway

but finally, lauren recognized i was hurtin
as displayed in her away message of last night
which said-
"lo siento mi amor, i have caused you pain"
or something like that
lauren's been using mucho espanol lately
i think things might be returning to normal
but i am still on my guard

i love my baby
i don't wanna lose her
i just get scared
cause i don't see that i've got
anything special to offer anyone
i probably do
i'm just not sure what

well, there's orgasms...
but since she's apparently
disinterested in sex now
(when did this happen?
why am i never informed of these things
until she's pissy with me about them?)
i doubt it's that

*sigh*
i swear
i will never be fully up to date
on what lauren wants
not ever, not even once
the week before she started working doubles
she didn't seem to mind sex
now i hint at it
and i get yelled at
because it is apparently
the driving force of my life

blah blah blah

she must never work this much overtime again
for it has left both of us half dead in a ditch
when we were going along fine before
i was so close to
getting out of the breakdown lane
and back into traffic
on the road towards college
and a job
and all that
and then this crap happens
the car shudders
plumes of blue oilsmoke come out
from underneath my hood
and i'm on the side of the road again
now i gotta wait for it to cool down
before i can even look into fixing myself again
nevermind getting back on the road

every time i get up
something always comes along
and pulls my legs out from under me

but i do have to give lauren credit
she did apologize to me
and that means a lot
as does her love
only moreso with the love
cause that's just how it is

and i'm sorry if i've been too harsh
but it needed to come out
so it doesn't stay in
because i don't want that
but that don't mean
that i can handle listening to hip hop
just about now
actually, i'm sick to death of it

i gotta go do laundry now
before it's too late

later everyone ^_^

i've been playing
surprisingly little mario
for the progress i'm making in it

dawn might be sleeping over tonight
supposed to clean
ah well
maybe a little bit later

lauren's got a concussion
student kicked her in the head
she tried going to work today
but they made her go home
(good thing... i told her not to go
but she's stupid and stubborn
she refused treatment at the hospital
and we went home...
pardon me, but if i get kicked in the head
by a 200 pound retard, i want treatment
i just don't want her dying on me... i love her
but the doctor said she'll be ok, so that's good)

well, at least i won't have to hear any terrell stories today
i'm so sick of hearing them
everyone at work thinks their sleeping together
and from the way they act, it's no wonder
it bothers the shit out of me
lauren knows this
but still does it
and i still hear about it daily
because, apparently, it's funny

sorry i missed the humor
in some guy who could
pound the crap out of me
being incredibly flirty with my girlfriend
don't know how i coulda missed it
it's so right-in-front-of-my-face
he has a girlfriend
and he loves her
and lauren loves me
but somehow, this comes as no consolation
probably because it's still going on
he's begun coming outside with lauren
when i pick her up
hugging her
kissing her cheek
WHILE I'M STANDING RIGHT THERE
he didn't last time i was there
but i'm not sure he was working
(not like they were making out
but still... ya know?)
i appreciate that he helped lauren
through a tough week
but that's enough
there's a line
don't cross it
oops, too late

ugh, and we have to drive him home
tomorrow after work

hello grand discomfort!
haven't seen you in about 5 minutes!
i was starting to miss you!

but he seems a nice enough guy
even if he did wanna beat me
for lauren's reaction
to telling her of my
non-plan to go to pennsylvania
which she took totally wrong
and thus felt like crap
(i'm sorry babe)

maybe it won't be a giant ball of tension
in the car that night
lauren seems to think that we're a lot alike
i don't see how at all
besides both having a penis
(respectively, we don't share one)
and wanting to stick said penis in lauren
which he said he would
if he didn't have a girl

his girl is 16
(he's 19)
and apparently
she has a cavernous vagina

i heard something
about him finding miners in there once*

been hearing okgo on the radio more often
well, ads for them playing a concert
not actually them on the radio
i don't think i have since last i mentioned it
except maybe once or twice
perhaps 3 times
but not nearly as much as i wanna hear them
because they're damn good

still reading visions of cody
think i might get to the 2nd chapter
(it seems to be 3 real long ones)
and take a break
maybe read 1984
since it's so prevalent nowadays
i believe you know what i mean.

alright, time to eat chips
or go outside
i haven't decided yet
later people ^_^

*this is obviously made up, but i think it's funny, so it stays

i doubt he would actually have his head there
since he's apparently opposed to oral sex in any case

...

i can't believe this guy could kick my ass. seriously.