so lauren and i are all clear now
everything is good

my head is swimming with things
i think more because katie wrote me an email
asking how everything was
then i had to think up a decent recap of my life recently
which brought everything to mind
but i think it's clearing a little

the thing about me is
(and i think chris is the same way
or possibly even moreso than myself)
i'm nearly always thinking about something
which is why i have such trouble getting to sleep
that and lauren's bed is horribly uncomfortable
though when it comes to laying down for the night
i wouldn't wanna be anyplace else

i'm worried about whitney now
cause i hear this asshole she finally stopped dating
has asked her out again
and this guy is no normal asshole
this guy is just a fucking awful person
i'd like to say something to her, but i wouldn't know what to say
like "NO!! DON'T DO IT!!"
but i'm afraid that would simply not be effective
especially since i'm a rather minor character in her life

speaking of things gone wrong
dan and i, back long ago
made love@aol things as jokes
and now i can't remember how to get in
so that i can delete the damn thing
as i've been wanting to for so long now
we used to read through personals
and make fun of people
it was hilarious

donno what i wanna do tonight
videos are always standing by
i wouldn't mind watching some tenchi
it's been a long while, really

this just in-
i think i've just deleted my personal
final-fucking-ly
i feel much better now
good riddance and all that

i might get a hotmail account
if i can think of a good enough name
it'd make things easier
and i don't like aol anyway
only trouble is, what name to use
i'm thinking of going with rapplepie
cause then it'll go well with the comic
once i get that all up on the web

i'm half expecting someone to call me
it's 8:00pm
so chris might be getting out of work
if he's working and it's til 8
and perhaps lauren will have a break sometime soon
i don't know
but i have my phone on me anyway
just in case, you know

i have so many comics to catch up on
i haven't read a lot of the ones i used to
not in a long while, anyway
so much to read, maybe i'll do it at lauren's
but i don't know about that
you know how it is
not wanting to take liberties and all

what else?
well, i think the only thing
keeping davey's life and mine
from sounding exactly the same
is a job on my part
then again, davey's life and mine
usually sound kind of alike

noone has called me
i gotta say i'm kinda disappointed
i do, after all, want to be called
not that i can't find something to do
for a while here after i'm done with this
which is taking longer than i expected it to
kinda strange, but stuff's going on
and needs to be written about

lauren and i applied to be model agents
professional shallow bastards, as it were
kind of as a joke, but there's a lot of money there
so i don't think either of us would mind if we got it

well, i think i'm gonna get going
kinda thirsty, ya see
later

yeah

so some things have come up as of late
that made me grandly uncomfortable
and also kinda pissy

and it was all in the past like, 2 days
i feel so misrepresented
(like, if someone were to judge me on the
past couple of days, they'd think i was awful)
like, i'm not usually like what i have been
in these past couple days
i've just been hit with things one after another lately

like lauren seeming to keep things from me
like, secrets. she wasn't really, only kinda
cause she thought something would bother me
or whatever it was, i don't feel like articulating
basically, it's something she coulda said
and i totally wouldn't have minded
but seemed really suspicious unsaid

we fixed that, of course
then my mom shows up unexpectedly at the apartment
which apparently made me visibly squirmy in discomfort
(well, i *did* have my coat on, and was ready to get out)
and lauren and i talked about me being uncomfortable
and she didn't understand
which i guess is ok cause i don't really either
not that that was the big problem
the more major thing was that
it felt like lauren was against me somehow
saying things i've heard from my mom forever
(things that don't bother me unless they're mom-prompted)
and like, lauren's the closest one to me
or at least one of them
so that really bothered me

but i just walked out of the apartment
smoked, blew off some steam
she called me while i was outside
which was a pain
cause i was trying to cool out
and didn't feel much like talking
but i love her for calling
for caring about me
all that kind of stuff

and that morning, or an afternoon somewhere
i don't even remember properly
she made a big deal about me being raised catholic
as if i were still one of them
(apparently, the religion she was raised with
really hate catholics, and her family is like that)
what she doesn't know
is that i only bothered being confirmed
because my parents said that
i didn't have to go to chruch anymore if i did
and i was very much looking to get out of there
(not that i think it would matter to her
doesn't seem like something that would, anyway)

so i spend the past however many years
being vigorously against religion
and it's as if she just ignored
all of the free thought that i did in that time
and just branded me catholic
which is just ugh
you know?

then last night, she did the secret thing again
but i felt like too big a jerk to ask what it was about
eventhough if i asked, she'd have to answer honestly
like, "do i have to know *everything*?"
but then again, i want to
and she apparently has to know everything
so why shouldn't i?
but i didn't ask anyway
maybe sometime i will, but for now, it's not really a bother

i did catch like a few little lines of her conversations with people
like chris telling her to let me (well, supposedly me)
bitch to al about something, which is probably the whole secret thing
and i think there was one to whitney
about not knowing how to tell me something
or something like that
and don't think *that* didn't catch my interest
but i wasn't about to read the whole thing in either case
not if there was something i wasn't supposed to know involved
respect for her wishes won over on curiosity
way to go, respect

perhaps letting this all out will help me not be pissy
i really feel like shit for that
i'm thinking of sending a mail to her about it
not going into this much detail
cause fuck, who needs that, but i might direct her here
you know, so she can get the long version if she wants it

i love the girl
and she may very well be
the best one around
which i say once in a while
you know, when she does something awesome
(there was once when she put on danger
for the 3rd time, consecutively
and yes, i'm still rather amused by that song)
and you know what?
i think "i love her" even more than i say it
and she'll ask "what?"
and i'll just smile and kiss her.

in other news, i found severe tire damage today
it was stuck between the seat of my car
and the middle bit, where my arm rest is

i'd been looking for it
and i knew it was in there
then poof, it was gone
glad i spotted it, though
i love that cd
tmbg rock

wanna write back to bob
don't have the patience to fix everything up
you know, cut and pasting things for the reply
cause i can't do it all at once, lest it be truncated
and blah blah blah

i dislike aol.

i'm probably going to leave for lauren's soon
so we can both go to bed
which is, i guess, what will happen

let's see, anything else new?
no, not really.
nothing i can think of just now anyway.
alright then, i think i'm gonna go now.

later, everybody.

so i'm at lauren's
her name's on
so i'm blogging
first time from here

watching iron chef
multi-tasking
like chris last night
trying to make a site and watch pi
pi, as in the movie, pi
good stuff, by the way
well, what lauren didn't distract me from
she was all loopy and silly
and demanded to be kissed a few times

it snowed last night
he wrote "i love you"
in the snow on the sidewalk
it was sweet
though i missed it the first time
since i park in the driveway
and therefore don't go on the sidewalk
tomorrow, though, she gets her car back
and i won't be able to anymore

they're talking about curry
cause the challenger made one
reminds me that chris ate indian food last night
man, do i want some indian food
except i'm not even hanging with my last dollar
spent that this morning, well, afternoon
(we woke up kinda late, we did)
so eating out is out of the question
and lauren wouldn't pay for indian food
cause she's not cool enough to even try it
eventhough it's bloody brilliant stuff

i need a stinkin job
i'll prolly see if there's one available at
a library, when i get a chance to go to one
which i still need to do
beth has recommended some books
which means i must get them, posthaste

chris, lauren, and i were talking about genius
chris says he societally is one
and estimates that i'm damn close
it reminded me of when i was going out with lisa
and she made laura and i take iq tests online
and was pissed when both laura and i
scored genius, and she didn't
what did i get? 144?
bloody hell, i don't remember
but i don't entirely trust online tests anyway
but i'd be willing to say that
i'm either genius or near it
that is, on a good day, i'd say that
i'm not being a pompous bastard or anything

i wish lauren had some food
like, to cook with
cause i feels like cooking
mostly cause i'm hungry
not that there's nothing to eat
but, uh, there's nothing to eat

i'm stuck here
due to her having my car
as you may have guessed

told beth about me and lauren
cause she asked
we talked a bit about relationships
and having alone time
and the ups and downs of sleeping with people

ah, the simpsons
if only football didn't take over my tv
and make me miss futurama
damn sucky football

want food
want to cook
but don't care if i do
just want food

bob scott wrote me back
hooray for that
nothing was at all amiss there
as i suspected
i'd be writing back, were i home
cause i can't from here, i don't think
ah well, i think i'm gonna try to combine them
and i haven't recieved the second half to his reply yet
can't wait for it, though
second half has the tv themes i wrote
i'm eager to see what he thinks

i've got chris listening to tmbg
i'm lending him flood and a nine inch nails album
and i guess i'm borrowing the cd he burnt
the one with "danger" on it
you know, cause he left it in my car
that song makes us so happy
cause it's just so funny

took a shower here
nothing to use for a towel
well, i think the one out here is clean
but i didn't wanna use it on anyone
cause i didn't see another one
so i found a little hand towel and used that

well, i've been boring enough for one day
so i'm gonna get going
later, everyone