i failed to mention in my last blog
that i crocheted for the first time in a rather long time
and that i nearly forgot how to do it
so part of sarah's second puppet is messed up
but then, i make things up as i go, anyway
so it was bound to be
and also bound not to match the first so much
which it doesn't, i don't think
anyway, just now, all i've left to do is the eyes
which i needs to find buttons to do
i had some, but i don't know where they are just now
i have to go get some for the eyes and nose of erika's panda, anyhow
and the yarn i'm making that out of is a pain
at least with smaller hooks such as i use
because it's got baby-softness
and the hook gets caught in the baby-softness
but i've got the hang of it, and it's going fine now
i've got the head shape done, but i need to put the eyes in
and make the ears, and put them on
and i think i wanna stuff each bit individually
and then stitch them together
and i think that'll work well, but i don't really know.

i've never made anything stuffed before
again, making it up as i go
but i think it'll all come out nicely
at least if i'm able to do it exactly as i planned
which is probably not going to happen
but hey, who knows, it could
especially if i keep at it
and don't just take a huge break in the middle
like with sarah's second puppet
it's an odd-looking duck, it is.

my aunt shirley has moved up here now
sold her house in florida and all that
so now i get to see her more
at least so far i do
but we still haven't played cards yet
which is disappointing
cause i could win her quarter at blind pitch again
that would be lots of fun, i say

okay then, i'm finished again.
read the last post
cause this one's being made right after it
and it's more than likely still news to you
later again.

i lost a post.
which was a really good post.
about things.

grr.

anyway, i'd written about
how my dad told me to pick what i'm doing
for my birthday
and how i wanted to have my
little cousin hayley hang out with me for the day
and then do something with the gang
like, bowling with the little balls
so if hayley hasn't gone home yet, she can still play
and i wrote how great that would be
and everyone could dress funny
and sarah could take pictures
cause i have no pictures of my friends or hayley
so it'd be an opportunity to get both of those things
all put together, and if we're dressing funny
i could possibly be in a dress
so that i could have that picture, too
apparently, everyone has that picture
or has at least seen it
except for me
which is frustrating
for i have people to send such things to
and the things aren't there, but they are
and i just can't see them

i woke up at around 6:30 this morning
and was really glad because of that
but then i went back to sleep
and woke up at like 4:30pm
which was sad and yucky
*sigh*
but i think i'm getting to bed as early tonight
maybe earlier, since there's nothing good to watch
only hope i'm tired then
i probably will be
tomorrow, if i get up at 6:30 again, i'll stay up
drink coffee, watch interesting television
though, i'd rather the early-waking were during weekdays
when television is more interesting
and i feel like there's something to be done

i have paint samples for my room.
and an application for staples
cause there's one opening down the road
davey endorses that idea
and i think it ain't bad, either
except they're asking about things like words typed per minute
and i don't know all that
but hey, it's no big deal
as long as there are places still left to hire me
and there are plenty

um. what else was in there?
oh yeah, i know where dan's playing now
place in providence
and lauren and i are gonna go see him sometime
but we're trying to make it for tomorrow
cause there's a benefit he's doing for the whole 11th thing
not just him, but he's playing in it, i mean
and that's pretty close, i think
so we're gonna see if we can make it there
cause she's working today
the problem with going to see dan with lauren
is that she works all weekend
but hey, someday, we'll make it to see him
hopefully, we'll be able to make it on time tomorrow
i don't know the times he's playing either place
but i'm pretty sure that it wouldn't be til later, you know?

and i have new shoelaces
which were needed months ago
but were nowhere to be found
but a while back, i found a pack of laces
that have the abc's on them
i figured i'd use them for my chucks
(as it turns out, they are a little too small for my chucks
actually, they were shorter than the laces for my wingtips
being as they were prolly made for kids in the first place)
but i found them, going through my room yesterday
and i decided to use them on my wingtips
they don't exactly match
but they're mostly hidden by pants anyway
so it doesn't matter all that much

i think i'd like to rent pokemon stadium 2 for my birthday
so that lauren and i could play after i get home
from doing things with the gang
cause i'd be home at like 11pm
and that's usually out with lauren time, anyway
and if hayley is somehow still with me
pokemon stadium is kid-friendly
so hooray!

and i think i'm done for now.
later.

i got a call
4am
i was still up, of course
cause i suck at sleeping before
5am
and it said lauren got some booty
and i so knew i was gonna get
the on the way home call
(this was the 17th, by the way
well, the 18th, by that time, but yeah)

i really need a break from lauren
but she's even gone so far as saying
that i'm the only one who's actually around for her
so of course if something happened she needed to talk about
like something bad
i'd totally put aside my
not particularly wanting to hang just now
and still be around
cause it's a lot for her to admit something like that
and i care about her anyway
like i said in the last blog
she's just wearing on me now, that's all

anyway, i'm a little drunk
the booze i found in this room
which is now in my room
not too much, of course
i always feel like it's gonna come right back out
but it never does
ever since either montreal
or that bottle of whiskey that
i dared myself to finish
oh, that was a bad idea

anyhow, i'm more productive this way
i've already sung
(as always when i'm drunk
i'm not sure why, but like i said
it's as though i were in a pub in ireland
at least that's the only comparison i have
i just can't stop myself from singing)
and now i'm planning to make coffee
cause it's an all-nighter now
and do some laundry
but i haven't written or drawn anything
which is fine by me
i'd rather be sober for that
though i've written some
amazingly funny things while stoned
which were all in the same story
though i made it sound plural
but that was more an experiment
i tend to do more of that on an all-nighter
after having drank some coffee
i don't think i'll ever know what it is
but sometimes it's like that

shannon elizabeth was on conan tonight
and she said the most amazing thing i've ever heard
come from a beautiful lady such as herself
and that was that nerdy guys
SHOULDhave such confidence as
to ask beautiful ladies such as herself out
because the nerdy guys are the ones that have gumption
(not her exact words, but that's what it boils down to)
which made me feel amazing
though i have little gumption
because i never bother asking anyone out
because i know the end result beforehand
(i'll get a big fat NO! and a punch in the face for even asking)
and it just kinda lifted my spirits that she said that
cause i've been down like that for so long
i spent the entire time from 2nd to 8th grade not having girlfriends
and then i had a game of phone tag with a girl that dumped me
before i ever actually got a chance to see her
(aside from the day i met her at the roller rink)
which actually happened only when she was going out with the guy
i had gone to the roller rink with
who she had originally sent her firend to retrieve
but she brought me instead
so there was a nice stab in the ol' self-esteem
so then it wasn't til i got contacts and braces
til i had another girlfriend
(someone was interested in the meantime
maria is her name
and tom is her boyfriend's name
and she's had him
for almost as long as she's liked me
and she so could have asked me out
and i would have said yes
and my friend dan had me say that in front of her
and told her to ask me out
and god damn, why didn't i ask her out?!
one could weep
she's pretty, she is
but anyway, senior year was my next 3 gals
one i didn't so much go out with
as make out with a couple times at her house
while i didn't know she had a boyfriend
and then there was lisa
and i think i've said all of this before
but anyway she dumped me after 5 months
and i went out with her friend laura after a month
but i terribly terribly wasn't ready and her kiss was like poison
like crude oil, felt not right
but i didn't have the heart to break up with her
cause i had crushes on people before
and they rejected me
and i didn't wanna make anyone feel that way
and i still don't
so i had to wait it out
and hope i'd love her
but then later i guess she saw what was up
and said we could be friends
which i was happy to accept
fine with me

i wonder now if maria's crush on me still goes strong
as it had for at least 2 years
she said she'd always like me
i can only assume that coming from her
that is the absolute truth
and she's dear to me for that
and i wish i'd gotten her when i had the chance
and if not that, kissed her while we were
sitting on the benchy-swing thing in her backyard
though she had a boyfriend
and was worried she would be like her dad and cheat on him
(cause he'd cheated on her mom)
and after she'd mentioned that, i just couldn't
cause, you know
but i haven't talked to her in a long time
haven't been able to get a hold of her
i wish i could in both the phone
and literal sense
cause i regret not dancing with her at the halloween party
(lisa's, i'd developed a crush on sarah there
sarah was the one i made out with
this isn't friend sarah, by the way
but a tall gothy chick
man, everybody was there, weren't they?
except dan, who came on the 31st instead of the day before)
and i owe her a happy valentine's day
happy birthday
man, just a buncha things
and i wanna tell her about it

i wish i could get a hold of her
and her boyfriend is such a dick too
and she was ready to break up with him
but then his grandfather up and dies
and so, i am lacking her now
i'm sorry maria
wherever you may be
i'll tell you in person sometime
and finally kiss you
because i don't feel like
leaving well enough alone next time
i don't see her nearly enough
and my next opportunity to kiss her may be my last
so long as we both wanna
and she *had* asked me why didn't i on the swing
when i told her i wanted to
damn regretting things
just damn it to hell

i'm gonna talk to davey now.
i already am
but i'm not paying enough attention
and i feel like i should
later.

so i guess lauren gets laid tonight
she's hooking up with some guy from work
and he's possibly 32
and has a baby daughter
and she hasn't told him she's 19
and this is all bound to end loudly
and i'll end up hearing about it endlessly no matter what
and i really don't feel like it

too spiteful towards lauren recently
and i'm not sure why
not like i don't care about her
i guess she's just an angering sort
and she is
plus, i think she's lying to herself
in so many ways
like thinking she doesn't care what her mom says
when it's all too apparent that she does
she's the short guy with a chip on her shoulder
something to prove

i've never confronted her with anything like that
cause if i'm right
and i think i am
it could hurt her
though i think dealing with the truth
would be better in the end
in any case, i'd end up getting hit for saying anything
but she so is looking to be her mom
in basic terms
(i think she's admitted it
and hates that)
and she's looking for a guy like her dad
she wants a house at 21
which was sometime around when her parents got a house
and her parents did everything pretty early
like the whole family thing
it's really kinda pathetic that she thinks that way
because man, there's so much life to live before family comes
and even after that, but it's tethered

maybe she thinks she's being rebellious or something
i had a thought about that once
i forget it just now
but her mom is a psycho-bitch of a high caliber
so lauren did a lot of rebelling
cause who wants to let that slip?
but now lauren's all moved out
and seeks a life rivalling that of her parents
probably just because she thinks she has something to prove
and every guy she meets has to pass her mom's inspection
because if mom doesn't approve, the relationship is doomed to failure
and it's funny, cause i wouldn't doubt that
it happened once, probably because of some laurenism
and then lauren was like
"i shall use her a a judge for all men for the rest of my life"
and so has probably come to doubt
relationships with guys her mom doesn't like
and on some level, causing them to fail
not that it's all lauren, but come on

lauren would never agree with this
but this is true
lauren's mother has more control over her life
than i have ever *ever* seen anyone's mother have over them
but it's that different "prove something to me"
sort of control that lauren doesn't think her mom has over her
it's not that kind of principal skinner's mom control

and it feels really good to get this off my chest
because that's probably where all the spite's from
i can't stand seeing people lie to themselves
especially if they're supposed to be as honest
as lauren is supposed to be
(i've witnessed the self-lie too many times to believe that
though i've no doubt she won't lie so much to other people)
i bloody hate hypocrisy, especially in friends
thankfully, i don't see it there often
hardly ever, really
though again, lauren tends to cross herself
when it comes to feminism
cause she's one of those angry ones
who don't use their brains other than to find a way
to make revenge okay
and that's not feminism
that's just the same old lesson not learned
and i'm bloody well sick of that
it's all over the place
it's in terrorism, too, for example

anyway, my gameboy battery is still going
but i think it may be finished tonight
at least i hope so
i want to replace them
but i want to make sure they're done first
did a pokemon trade today
crystal got a girafarig from gold

i'm feeling a bit better today
i slept way too much
like, broken up long naps
i shoulda made some coffee
maybe tonight if i'm up late enough
but i hope not to be
i wanna sleep

but for now, i'm gonna go watch the rest of conan
and by the way-
i heart pokey the penguin!

...

so funny.
well, time to go.

i think i'm getting over
my case of anthrax
(no, that's not what it is
at least, i doubt it
though i have no medical insurance
so i haven't been to the doctor)

my voice is still getting better
i took 2 benadryl
which made me tired and weak
until some time last night
(i hate gauging time when i've stayed up all night
it feels like one continuous day
but it's really a new one
and it throws me off)
i was mostly fine, though

the batteries are still not dead yet on my gameboy
which is really odd, cause it seems like they should be
i should really start reading dubliners again
as i told davey
who i talked to this morning
and here's a clip-
i'll se it up, i was talking about how tenacious d was on conan the other night-

Davey: what'd they do?
Me: wonder boy. dressed up as wonder boy and nasty man.
Davey: nice
Davey: with powers comparable to those of wonderboy
Davey: what powers?, you may ask...
Davey: how 'bout the power of flight? that do anything for ya?
Me: i like how that line is so accusatory. like they're saying "powers comparable to those of wonderboy! you should be impressed right away, you prick!"
Davey: hells yeah
Davey: well put
Me: thanks.

-fun, eh?
i'm either going to sleep way too much today
stay up and be really creative
or stay up and do absolutely nothing
and probably end up falling asleep
i don't really know which
but i like the middle one

that said, i'm done.

it turns out
quite sensibly
that two gengars make a gastly
in mating terms
so no new ghost pokemon for me
i'm trying to get my pokemon in gold
ready for the pokemon league
i keep thinking they are, but it turns out otherwise
so i must keep training them
cause i'm picky about that
like, whether i'll have to many or too few items
so i never save once i get to the pokemon league
cause who knows, right?
anyway, i think the battery is running out in that gameboy
but it's taking it's sweet time doing so
which is bothering me, cause get on with it already!

anyway, i'm still sick
less so than before, i think
but still sick
bloody well not loving it

but i did love adult swim tonight
specifically cowboy bebop
which is a great show
and i loves it
and it was really good tonight
if i had a dvd player, i'd buy the dvd right away
and that, my friends, would rock the house
twice, even

in other news, i found booze
my dad had given me some coconut flavored rum
that he apparently found in my sister's room
and i found right here in the computer room
some black cherry brandy
some tequila
and some more rum
at least i think that's it
it's not a lot to remember
but since i'm sick
i don't really wanna drink too much
when i'm in better health
i shall go to all the trouble of finding a proper time
and all of that sort of thing
cause if i get drunk and stay awake
i'm likely to sing rather loudly
but i might just go to sleep
as i hope to do soon
like, after i finish this
which i think is now
as i've nothing further to say

good night