sorry about absence.
not a lot of time away from lauren's
and i haven't begun loggin on there yet
but i probably will someday
you know, cause i spend most of my time there

constant freaking adventure-
little sleep
little nourishment
lots of kissing
probably too much smoking
at least much more than normal

saw dan the other night
drank almost an entire bottle of egg nog
never drink that much egg nog
especially if you're not a giant
because the ratios were all wrong
and i ended up puking
and lauren and al ended up taking care of me
and i ended up feeling bad the next day
and doing some cleaning to feel better

lauren's period is late
officially, now
cause for concern, oh yes
but whatever happens, happens
pregnancy test in about 2 weeks
then we'll know
she grossly overestimated how far along she was
she thought she was on the 26th day of her cycle
and she was on her 16th
(explained to me as 2 days after
"you'll definitely get pregnant" day)
how a girl can not keep track of a thing like that
i will never ever know
because it's fucking important

but anyway, dan likes the songs i've written
now if only i could write more of them
hadn't seen my boy in so long
i'd like to see my other friends too
saw sarah pretty recently
she likes that me and lauren are a thing
i like sarah, she's awesome

i'll probably be back at lauren's tonight
like just about every night
nice to get a break
i was losing my patience
maybe cause she's sick and acting funny
but i feel like
she's treating me like just another boy
one she'd fuck with and destroy
and i'm just not having that

i don't know
she's got a lot to deal with
you'd act weird too

i hope her period shows up
(more for her sake than anything else
she doesn't seem to be taking the lateness well
like, at all)
it has before
many times
let's hope her luck doesn't run out

i brought a toothbrush and a contacts case over there
so i can take them out if i want
and brush my teeth
luckily, i've got two of both of those things
so i can keep on here, and one there
she gave me a key the other day
so yeah

i'd like to snag a while alone
maybe get half of something done
as i haven't in forever
though i do love my girl
and i'd like to be there for her while she's sick
despite the seeming lack of patience with her
i'm feeling a bit better on that, though
just getting some time alone for now

i'd very much like to not go insane
from too much being around
guess i'm more of a loner than i thought
i don't know
i just can't get anything done while i'm there
i need to be alone to do things
and i haven't been for like 2 weeks

except for one exceptionally dreary day
when i hung in the apartment
while lauren took my car to work
hers will be fixed soon
then she won't need mine
then i can catch more alone time
and i can get things done
wonderful, magical things
i'll be the healthier for it, i believe

i'm gonna go eat or something
don't know when the next blog will be
so uh, it'll be a nice surprise for everyone
i need the outlet now
and this is the one that...
i can't write well on command
i should do it anyway and fix later
but i'm still stuck on the "no! must be perfect!" thing
otherwise i'd be doing songs
or maybe i'd do comics
not that i have any time for either
since this is my moment alone
first in a while
and probably last in a while
but blogging
maybe i can do that there
get some shit out
and just feel better about things
keep my friggin sanity

wrote a mail to bob scott
by now, i'm paranoid as to why no reply
though i'm betting it's a whole lot of busy
on his part
though as always
i think i may have said something wrong
so i sought to amend myself
and blah blah blah
anyway, there's a new comic
about his real life mishaps
which you can find somewhere on mike's site
since it's drawn by mike
i really like it so far
and hey, it gives a peek at bob and mike
so now we know what they look like
rock, huh?

another bit of happiness
and then i'm going
cause my sister needs the computer
last night, driving around
with lauren, chris, and chris' friend ryan
we heard "danger"
a song chris and i find hilarious
and quote often
we spent the rest of the ride home giggling
at just how perfect it was to hear that song
and shouting DANGER! at the top of our lungs
good fun
ahh

time to go now
later

by the way, dad got bitchy about the car too
they got worse the second day
until today had me driving home
cause of course i'm not going to drive there
but i'll prolly have to this afternoon
i don't relish the idea, let me tell you
but i got home relatively alright
and tomorrow, she gets her car back
still woulda been much easier to just let her
take it for one more day

so here's the story-
lauren decides normality is a good idea
i get all mopey, cause it was nice
and a relationship was dangled in front of me
then kinda jerked away quickly
so i end up telling her this on the phone
she cries and nearly vomits in chris' car
they get to my house, lauren and i talk
basically, it comes down to
do i want it or not
and i said yes

now i have to deal with new fears
and some doubts
like with anything
except there's more on the line here
i mean, lose a relationship, fine
hurt lauren, no
and especially not lose a friend

i don't know if i'm in love
but i think i'm on the way
i hope i am
i already love her in one way
(at least one way, really- i think i'm closer
to in love than i'm indicating here)
and i think there's more on the horizon

i meet her parents (again) today
which may be worse on the nerves than
the "i'm going to get hopelessly lost picking her up"
though i've never had trouble dealing with them before
and i see no reason not to be relaxed about it
her mom likes me, anyway

i need to go try to make progress in majora's mask
an watch dark shadows
and i'll probably end up needing directions again
so i'll probably come back here to get them
but first, a shower
later